| Location | Hampshire |
| Age | 21 years |
| Cause of Death | Suicide |
| Date of Birth | 10/05/1978 |
| Date of Death | 18/04/2000 |
| Visitors | 4,899 since 06/08/2008 |
| Creator | |
| Helpers |
Paul Michael Cowell , My lovely son took his own
life on 18th April 2000 ,22 days before his 22nd birthday after battling a drug problem. He had not
taken any for 6 months before he died but stopping left him with depressions and it was as he
appeared to be coming out of one of these that he took his life on prescription drugs. Paul wasn't a
lad That hung around in groups indeed he was small and looked younger than he was. We moved next
door to a couple with a son and daughter when paul was 8 years old . Paul knew their son since
playschool and he was only 4 months older than paul. They were friends but not best friends. When
they left school there was a leavers party but paul did not go because he was working in a hotel as
he wanted to eventually become a chef. The lad next door was killed that night chased onto a
railway and killed by a train he was only 16. I could not imagine the suffering so I used to go
round and clean there home, shop for them and cut their grass. I also just used to sit with his
mother while she cried. Paul was a sensitive soul and he had never been this close to a terrible
death of one so young and used to go round to see them too. He then began to change and eventually
i found out that the drugs were causing his behaviour and used to tell next door about it . They
just said it was attention seeking but he was so ill . A lot of the young friends used to go next
door and was encouraged by his parents. For 5 years We watched him go down to the depths of
despair and i used to talk to next door about him being so ill then one day paul actually asked me
for help after so long of being turned away from help because it was me that wanted help for him
not him. One day while next door paul came round and later as we left i noticed the mother slip
something in his hand and when we got outside i asked paul to show me what it was and he opened his
hand and laying in his palm were drugs. it was them all the time. they are convicted drug dealers
and No one had ever told me . But I learned this too late to save my son. We miss him , we miss his
lovely sunny smile and his caring ways . David his younger brother was only 15 at the time now has a
beautiful 3 year old daughter Emily who Paul would have loved and been so proud of. David has
struggled so hard with this loss as we all have including his Nan and Grandad who loved him so also
. Paul worked at a fruit farm right up until his death after leaving the catering business .
Sometimes Paul would miss the transport to take him to work and he would walk the 6 miles to get
there , sometimes his suffering was too much and he did not make it that day . His boss was
brilliant and understanding and also in our hearts we knew the drugs has caused so much damage .
paul really tried to make a fresh start . He is with his Great Nan who passed away 19 months before
Paul aged 85 years . She was so understanding about this problem and showed so much love and care
towards him I like to think that they are caring for each other whilst waiting for us. God bless Nan
and thank you xxxxxxxxxxxxx
REFLECTION
Another day for you to wonder,another day for you to mourn
It wasn't my intention to go before the coming dawn
My pain was deep within my heart and troubled head
It wasn't my intention to go without words said.
My frame of mind seemed normal, or so I heard them say
It wasn't my intention not to see another day
I did not mean to make you suffer or cause you so much pain
It wasn't my intention to never see you again.
Despair and confusion left my aching mind unsure
It wasn't my intention to suddenly close life's door
If only I could give you reasons and brush the tears away
It wasn't my intention to leave you and not stay.
I did not mean for you to grieve, now left alone to cry
It wasn't my intention to leave you, forever asking why ?
As the burdens of life's worries slowly ebb from my heart
It wasn't my intention to tear your soul apart.
Y Docherty
***PLEASE READ***
LIN SENDS EVERYONE HER APOLOGIES BUT RIGHT NOW SHE IS HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME.
YOU ARE ALL IN HER THOUGHTS AND SHE WILL BE BACK VERY SOON. THANK YOU. ****
I would like to say thank you from the bottom of my heart, For you being so caring and keeping Aysha, Karl, The Flowers and the rest of my Angels in love while I have not been able too, I really appriciated it so much, You are a special person.
I feel able to come back now, or I am going to try, So bare with my if candles are a bit hit and miss.
Thank you so much, You've helped me cope.
Carole ( Aysha, Karl, The Flowers and all my other Angels xxxx )
☆ * ☆ * ☆ * ☆ *☆ * ☆ * .☆
At the sound of the tolling midnight bell
a brand new year will begin.
Let's raise our hopes in a confidant toast,
to the promise it ushers in.
May your battles be few, your pleasure many,
your wishes and dreams fulfilled.
May your confidence stand in the face of loss
and give you the strength to rebuild.
May peace of heart fill all your days
may serenity grace your soul.
May tranquil moments bless your life
and keep your spirit whole.
☆ * ☆ * ☆ * ☆ *☆ * ☆ * .☆
May 2009 ease all our hearts just a little bit.
God Bless.
Son
I remember the first day back then
When your life had just begun
And the midwife smiled at me
And said here you have a son
Your little heart was beating
Your skin was soft and pink
And i was proud as punch that day
And im sure that god gave me a wink
Years passed by you grew fast
And you was the bestest son of all
And i was blessed to have you
A son that stood so tall
And now i sit here weeping
As ive lost the son i had
And no amount of comfort
Can replace the love, and im sad
I want you back besides me
To tell you that its all ok
I cant understand why your gone
Or why god took you away
I want to relive them moments
Of the day that you were born
Just to change the way life was
Instead of you being torn
I will find you one day son
And i shall get my answers why?
But till then i have my memorys
Until the day i die
allways iin my heart xxx
ello its carol here stewart quinn mum so sorry iv not been on for abit and not keep up with messages and candels but leasding up to xmas as been hared for me and on tuesday i will not of seen or hareed my stewart for a lpng painfull year i miss him so much an dcant get though life with out him and my heart goes out to everyone as i know you all feel the same about your loved ones so on the xmas time i want send my love and say my hearts with you all allways xxx god bless youi all love carol stewarts mum xxxxx
thinking of you allways lin hope everythink went as good as it could yesturday thinking of you allways thank you for my messages and candels to my stewart sorry iv not keep them up to paul but hes allways in my heart just finding things soo hared god bles allways love carol xxxxxxx
Dear Paul...
* ☆ * ☆ *☆ * ☆ * .☆ * ☆ * ☆
I really want to tell you
Although, I’m sure that you can see,
Mums every thought of you is as loving as can be
Her heart is totally filled with things
That word’s alone can't say,
And you will be especially thought of
With love on Christmas Day.
* ☆ * ☆ *☆ * ☆ * .☆ * ☆ * ☆
God Bless you precious angel.
.....{\......._____.....,
.....{*.\.....(*~*~*).../}
....{.~.*\....////^^\../~}
....{*....\..(((/.6.6./.*}
....{..*.~.\.)))c..=.)*..}
.....{*...*.////'_/~`.~.}
......{~.*.((((.`.`\.*}' ..:: ()
.......`{.~.)))`\.\))_.-:*:-
..........`{.(()..`\_.-'`.`:'
............`)/.`..|
.............(....\'
..............\....\
.........._ .__\...|
........|` `'...``C;
........|./``-../../
........`'......|./
................/.`-._
................`-----
My Christmas wishes fly to you,
Like lovely snowflakes from the blue,
Spilling gently from my heart,
Falling softly through the dark,
Until they find your candlelight,
Through whispering winds that sing of night.
May peace and joy wrap you in,
Blankets of love, where hope has been.
And may your kind and gentle ways,
Be blessed with happy, peaceful days,
Becoming more beautiful with every thought,
Like every flake the earth has caught.
* * . (\ *** /) * . *.*
.* . * ( \(_)/ ) * * .
.* . * (_ /|\ _) . *. *.*
.* . * . /___\ * . . * .
*. * . * . * . . * *.*.*
If you look for me at Christmas
you won't need to look very far
I won’t be here in heaven
I'll be right there where you are.
You may not be aware of me
amid the celebrations
You'll have to look beyond the tree
and all the decorations.
But if you take a moment
from your list of things to do
You’ll sense that I’m right there
Standing next to you.
You're the one I want to be with,
you're the reason that I came,
To say ‘All my love at Christmas mum’
as I’m whispering your name.
PEACE and HAPPINESS
____________________ *
___________________Hello
__________________I Have
_________________Come Here
________________To Wish You
_______________Merry Christmas
______________And Also A Happy
_____________New Year To You For
____________2009... I Hope The New
___________Year Brings You Loads Of
__________Happiness And Loads Of Fun.
_________I Hope You Have A Nice Day On
________Christmas Day Filled With Lots Of
_______Angel Time......And Of Course Eating
______Lots Of Nice Foods, And Candies. I Hope
_____That Santa Is Good To You As Well And He
___Brings You Loads Of Presents On Christmas Day
__Most Of All, I Hope He Brings Peace To Your Heart
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL THE FAMILY.
REST IN PEACE
Dear Paul
Safe in the arms of the lord .
Sending love your way
Stay clost to your loving family
I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too,
I think of you in silence I often speak your name
All I have are memories and your picture in a frame
Your memory is my keepsake with which I’ll never part
God has you in His keeping I have you in my heart
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