Paul Michael Cowell

Paul Michael Cowell , My lovely son took his own
life on 18th April 2000 ,22 days before his 22nd birthday after battling a drug problem. He had not
taken any for 6 months before he died but stopping left him with depressions and it was as he
appeared to be coming out of one of these that he took his life on prescription drugs. Paul wasn't a
lad That hung around in groups indeed he was small and looked younger than he was. We moved next
door to a couple with a son and daughter when paul was 8 years old . Paul knew their son since
playschool and he was only 4 months older than paul. They were friends but not best friends. When
they left school there was a leavers party but paul did not go because he was working in a hotel as
he wanted to eventually become a chef. The lad next door was killed that night chased onto a
railway and killed by a train he was only 16. I could not imagine the suffering so I used to go
round and clean there home, shop for them and cut their grass. I also just used to sit with his
mother while she cried. Paul was a sensitive soul and he had never been this close to a terrible
death of one so young and used to go round to see them too. He then began to change and eventually
i found out that the drugs were causing his behaviour and used to tell next door about it . They
just said it was attention seeking but he was so ill . A lot of the young friends used to go next
door and was encouraged by his parents. For 5 years We watched him go down to the depths of
despair and i used to talk to next door about him being so ill then one day paul actually asked me
for help after so long of being turned away from help because it was me that wanted help for him
not him. One day while next door paul came round and later as we left i noticed the mother slip
something in his hand and when we got outside i asked paul to show me what it was and he opened his
hand and laying in his palm were drugs. it was them all the time. they are convicted drug dealers
and No one had ever told me . But I learned this too late to save my son. We miss him , we miss his
lovely sunny smile and his caring ways . David his younger brother was only 15 at the time now has a
beautiful 3 year old daughter Emily who Paul would have loved and been so proud of. David has
struggled so hard with this loss as we all have including his Nan and Grandad who loved him so also
. Paul worked at a fruit farm right up until his death after leaving the catering business .
Sometimes Paul would miss the transport to take him to work and he would walk the 6 miles to get
there , sometimes his suffering was too much and he did not make it that day . His boss was
brilliant and understanding and also in our hearts we knew the drugs has caused so much damage .
paul really tried to make a fresh start . He is with his Great Nan who passed away 19 months before
Paul aged 85 years . She was so understanding about this problem and showed so much love and care
towards him I like to think that they are caring for each other whilst waiting for us. God bless Nan
and thank you xxxxxxxxxxxxx

REFLECTION
Another day for you to wonder,another day for you to mourn
It wasn't my intention to go before the coming dawn
My pain was deep within my heart and troubled head
It wasn't my intention to go without words said.

My frame of mind seemed normal, or so I heard them say
It wasn't my intention not to see another day
I did not mean to make you suffer or cause you so much pain
It wasn't my intention to never see you again.

Despair and confusion left my aching mind unsure
It wasn't my intention to suddenly close life's door
If only I could give you reasons and brush the tears away
It wasn't my intention to leave you and not stay.

I did not mean for you to grieve, now left alone to cry
It wasn't my intention to leave you, forever asking why ?
As the burdens of life's worries slowly ebb from my heart
It wasn't my intention to tear your soul apart.

Y Docherty

***PLEASE READ***

LIN SENDS EVERYONE HER APOLOGIES BUT RIGHT NOW SHE IS HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME.
YOU ARE ALL IN HER THOUGHTS AND SHE WILL BE BACK VERY SOON. THANK YOU. ****