| Location | Hampshire |
| Age | 21 years |
| Cause of Death | Suicide |
| Date of Birth | 10/05/1978 |
| Date of Death | 18/04/2000 |
| Visitors | 4,901 since 06/08/2008 |
| Creator | |
| Helpers |
Paul Michael Cowell , My lovely son took his own
life on 18th April 2000 ,22 days before his 22nd birthday after battling a drug problem. He had not
taken any for 6 months before he died but stopping left him with depressions and it was as he
appeared to be coming out of one of these that he took his life on prescription drugs. Paul wasn't a
lad That hung around in groups indeed he was small and looked younger than he was. We moved next
door to a couple with a son and daughter when paul was 8 years old . Paul knew their son since
playschool and he was only 4 months older than paul. They were friends but not best friends. When
they left school there was a leavers party but paul did not go because he was working in a hotel as
he wanted to eventually become a chef. The lad next door was killed that night chased onto a
railway and killed by a train he was only 16. I could not imagine the suffering so I used to go
round and clean there home, shop for them and cut their grass. I also just used to sit with his
mother while she cried. Paul was a sensitive soul and he had never been this close to a terrible
death of one so young and used to go round to see them too. He then began to change and eventually
i found out that the drugs were causing his behaviour and used to tell next door about it . They
just said it was attention seeking but he was so ill . A lot of the young friends used to go next
door and was encouraged by his parents. For 5 years We watched him go down to the depths of
despair and i used to talk to next door about him being so ill then one day paul actually asked me
for help after so long of being turned away from help because it was me that wanted help for him
not him. One day while next door paul came round and later as we left i noticed the mother slip
something in his hand and when we got outside i asked paul to show me what it was and he opened his
hand and laying in his palm were drugs. it was them all the time. they are convicted drug dealers
and No one had ever told me . But I learned this too late to save my son. We miss him , we miss his
lovely sunny smile and his caring ways . David his younger brother was only 15 at the time now has a
beautiful 3 year old daughter Emily who Paul would have loved and been so proud of. David has
struggled so hard with this loss as we all have including his Nan and Grandad who loved him so also
. Paul worked at a fruit farm right up until his death after leaving the catering business .
Sometimes Paul would miss the transport to take him to work and he would walk the 6 miles to get
there , sometimes his suffering was too much and he did not make it that day . His boss was
brilliant and understanding and also in our hearts we knew the drugs has caused so much damage .
paul really tried to make a fresh start . He is with his Great Nan who passed away 19 months before
Paul aged 85 years . She was so understanding about this problem and showed so much love and care
towards him I like to think that they are caring for each other whilst waiting for us. God bless Nan
and thank you xxxxxxxxxxxxx
REFLECTION
Another day for you to wonder,another day for you to mourn
It wasn't my intention to go before the coming dawn
My pain was deep within my heart and troubled head
It wasn't my intention to go without words said.
My frame of mind seemed normal, or so I heard them say
It wasn't my intention not to see another day
I did not mean to make you suffer or cause you so much pain
It wasn't my intention to never see you again.
Despair and confusion left my aching mind unsure
It wasn't my intention to suddenly close life's door
If only I could give you reasons and brush the tears away
It wasn't my intention to leave you and not stay.
I did not mean for you to grieve, now left alone to cry
It wasn't my intention to leave you, forever asking why ?
As the burdens of life's worries slowly ebb from my heart
It wasn't my intention to tear your soul apart.
Y Docherty
***PLEASE READ***
LIN SENDS EVERYONE HER APOLOGIES BUT RIGHT NOW SHE IS HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME.
YOU ARE ALL IN HER THOUGHTS AND SHE WILL BE BACK VERY SOON. THANK YOU. ****
At times, he is a bright lit star sparkling in my sky,
seeming close enough to reach, still a bit too high.
Sometimes, his smile is in a moon full and hanging low,
I stretch my arms to touch him, but then he has to go.
Often, he's inside rainbows helping a sky to heal,
I can never find him, but my heart knows he is real.
His face I see in snowflakes blowing in the wind,
all the places he can go, never have an end.
Sometimes of an evening, his scent floats through my air,
then I feel his presence and know that he is there.
Occasionally, a glimpse of him comes before my eyes,
and I know that he is watching me and very much alive.
In each of these precious moments, I blow my son a kiss,
And speak to him of the good times that I dearly miss.
My love for him will always live inside my mind and soul
until I can be with him and once again be whole.
Love and God Bless
I loved you before you were born
Before I ever saw your face
Before I held you in my arms
In my heart, you had your place
I loved you in every moment
The cuddles you loved to share
Your first steps, your first words
Your first precious lock of hair
I loved you as you grew up
It was a joy to have you near
The special bond we shared
I will always hold that dear
Now as the angels quietly sing
I humbly ask God up above
Please look after my angel
And give him all my love.
Have a nice weekend, God Bless.
Blessed are the pure in heart.
So often we are told
Of saints whose names and daily deeds
Inscribed in books of gold
Are certain to be seeing God
In well-rewarding joy -
But when I see the pure in heart
I see my little boy.
He shinned up trees and scraped his knees,
Had tadpoles in a box;
He loved to read of dinosaurs,
Collected bright-coloured rocks.
His grubby hands were gentle
On the coats of dogs and birds,
And there was such charm
In the way he spoke his words.
I listened to his little prayers
At night with quiet joy -
And when I hear the pure in heart
I hear a little boy.
He had reached the age
To question and to doubt;
But mostly took his mother's word,
For what life was all about.
Each day was gold, a shining thing
He brought much love and joy
And when I think of the pure in heart
I always see my beautiful boy.
Love and God Bless.
missing you
words simply can't convey
how much i'm missing you
the sun doesn't seem to shine
and the sky's no longer blue
the ache within my heart
just will not go away
it is me when i awaken
until the end of every day
and even as i go to sleep
my thoughts are all of you
of the happy times we've shared
that will last my whole life through
so i just wanted you to know
how i am feeling so much pain
and how i'm longing to see you
and to hold you once again
☆*♥*☆*♥*☆*♥*☆*♥*☆
The Little Things That Happen
Are tucked into your mind,
And come again to greet you
Or most of them, you'll find.
Through many little doorways,
Of which you keep the keys,
They crowd into your thinking
We call them Memories.
But some of them are rovers
And wander off and get
So lost, the keys grow rusty,
And that means -- you forget.
But some stay ever near you;
You'll find they never rove
The keys are always shining
As we remember those we love.
☆*♥*☆*♥*☆*♥*☆*♥*☆
Through the night your angels kept
Their watch above me while I slept,
Now the night has passed away,
Thank you, Lord, for this new day.
Please give me solace for my soul
Help my broken heart again be whole
Hold my son so precious and dear
Love him as we did when he was here.
☆*♥*☆*♥*☆*♥*☆*♥*☆
☆*♥*☆*♥*☆*♥*☆*♥*☆
A little hug from me to you,
To make you smile
when you feel blue,
To make you happy
when your sad,
To let you know
life aint so bad.
Now I've given a hug to you,
Somehow I feel much better too
Hugs are better when they're shared
So pass one on to show you care.
Sent with hugs and kiss's liz xxxxx
thankyou so much x
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ X GTS SPECIAL FRIENDS X ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Xx Pass this on to all your friends xX
If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own;
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone.
If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me.
I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there
sorry about candles lin had major pc
probs hope to be sorted soon you and
paul are in my thoughts xxx
I see you in the evening
and the darkness of the night.
You're with me in the morning,
when all the world is bright.
I feel you in a breeze,
like a tender warm embrace;
I feel you when a snowflake
falls softly on my face.
I hear you when it thunders
and the world seems at an end;
I hear you whisper softly,
'One day your heart will mend'.
I hear you in a bird song
the humming of the bees.
Your voice is strong and vibrant
in the waves of stormy seas.
I see, I feel, I hear you,
you're there in all I do,
guiding and protecting,
until my life is through.
Love and God Bless
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